Sporks
by Reganfan
Summary: A parody of the TwiHarry crossovers. You can curse me for it later, I know I will be.


It had been six long months since Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord Moldy Voldy. The newspapers had yet to cease their ridiculous articles on The-Boy-Who-Lived-Again and Harry had had it up to his eyeballs. Finally finishing school and his NEWTs, Harry decided it was high time for a big change.

The young wizard looked at many colleges over a short period of a couple of days. He remained locked in his small apartment and refused to see anyone until he had heard back from each of the colleges. He was looking for a small town, low key college where he could feel that he was at the end of the Earth. He wanted nothing more than to be far enough away from England that no one would recognize him.

Harry had yet to look into degrees and which he might like to pursue. He could close his eyes and pick one as long as he was out of the lime light. A tiny little town with Peninsula College, roughly 6,700 miles away from England sounded just perfect.

He had told Ron and Hermione that he was going to go away for college. They had protested at first, but seeing that he wasn't paying any attention to their complaints, they gave up. They figured he was right to get away from the hyenas that were England's press.

The day came that Harry headed to the airport. He felt like he was on plane after plane after plane (what with all his connecting flights and all) for a week before he finally landed. He found all of his luggage easily and hauled it out to hail a taxi.

"Where to, Kid?" The haggard cabby asked.

"Spoons, please."

"Spoons? I think you're in the wrong place, Kid."

"Erm… Knives?"

"No place named Knives anywhere near here. You mean Forks?"

"Yeah, that's it. I knew it was some kind of flatware. The flights made me a little punchy," Harry blushed.

It didn't take Harry long to get his things put away in his dorm room, he didn't have much in the way of belongings and he liked it that way. He knew he was supposed to have a room mate, but he had no clue when the other would show up.

As tired as Harry was, his stomach was yelling louder than his bed. Grabbing some of the American Muggle money and stuffing his wallet into his pocket, he headed for the nearest restaurant. He had a quick dinner and headed straight back to his dorm.

He walked into the room and his jaw immediately dropped as his eyes bugged out of their sockets. He stood, frozen, staring at his room mate.

"Cedric?" He demanded, shrilly.

The roomie froze and slowly turned to look at this new comer.

"Harry?" The tone was the same incredulous tone that Harry had used. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to get away from England and the sharks there. I figured a small town college was perfect so I came to Sporks. What are you doing here?"

"Sporks?" He looked confused for a moment. "I've been here for years. I go by Edward now."

"WTF! Pettigrew A. you. I saw him do it."

"Yeah, about that… apparently the killing curse doesn't exactly kill you."

"What does it do then?"

"Well, erm… I have your word as a wizard not to say anything?" He waited for Harry's nod before continuing. "Apparently the killing curse turns you into a vampire."

Harry's eyebrows disappeared into his messy, as always, bangs. He was certain that he was hallucinating. Maybe he was already asleep; that flight had taken a lot out of him. He shrugged; he was going to enjoy this while he had the chance. He hadn't known Cedric-Edward- well, but he was glad to see him again.

"So, what's happened in England since I died?" Cedward asked.

Harry filled him in on everything that had happened, from Cho to the death of Voldy. They stayed up until just before dawn, talking, before Harry passed out on the floor by his bed. Cedward grinned and easily set his younger friend on the bed.

Harry groaned when his alarm clock went off. He smacked 'snooze', still desperately tired. He had had the strangest dream about Cedric being his dorm mate. He snorted; what an imagination his sleep deprived brain had. Needless to say, his sleep hadn't been restful.

A deep snicker from the other side of the room made his eyes flash open. His head whipped towards the sound that Cedward was sure his little friend would have whiplash.

"Morning, Harry."

"I must still be dreaming."

"Nope. It wasn't a dream. Remember? A.K. turns you into a vampire," Cedward said, walking to the window and drawing open the curtains to a sunny day. He swore.

"You're all sparkly," Harry said confused after he put his glasses on.

"Yeah. A.K. turns you into a sparkly vampire. Looks like I'll be missing the first day of classes. Can't go out in this."

"Sparkly," Harry murmured, feeling as if he was falling back asleep, staring at Cedward. There was another chuckle from his friend.

"Yep."

There was a gasp from Harry as his eyes went wide again.

"If I gave you my wand, would you A.K. me? I want to be a sparkly vampire too!"

Cedward couldn't help it, he burst out into loud laughter.

"And hey… is Remus here? What about Sirius?"

Cedward gasped, doubled over laughing. He was suddenly glad that he didn't technically have to breathe any longer.

"Cedward?"


End file.
